Trautman Family Farm

  (stoughton, Wisconsin)
The Grass-Organic Life in Wisconsin!
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It doesn't matter....

It doesn't matter what Monsanto, Syngenta, Dow Chemical and the ilk do, that there's a giant conspiracy to control the seeds, the farmers for their profit.

There's nothing I can say that will change any of that. Beyond educating myself, it is a waste of my time to work over the same ground again and again.

It matters  that I am doing something about it in the small way that I can. As an organic farmer, I am proud -- and on purpose -- not supporting these companies in any way; as a farm producer or as a consumer. That is the only language, the only action that will end up mattering.

It doesn't matter that I can't make consumers see what I see, to really look to the long term and beyond "what about me and what about right now". Me screaming about it isn't going to change them.

What matters is that intelligent, thoughtful and caring people do eventually come to the conclusions themselves, as they do push away from the numbing TV, newspapers, radio, mass consumerism that is designed to control them, and ask themselves, is any of this making me happy?

We will be here when they do; to help and to guide their journey. Through real health, and real concern for our future -- especially our children -- that we will act and not complain, do and not excuse ourselves, take responsibility and not blame. We get what we ask for. Our words must match our actions. All of us build illusion in what we say but build conflict within ourselves by not matching words with what we do; the words cost nothing, action has a price we are often not willing to pay.

It doesn't matter every conspiracy, every effort at control, every evil is out to get us; as far as I can tell or care, every conspiracy is true.

But I always ask at the end of hearing about it, so what are you going to do about it? And the reaction is almost always the same. More talk about it, no action. It matters that life is short, and where we put our minds matters. If I have been given by God a beautiful brain with which to think, I do not honor God by using it to think angry inconsequential thoughts. I must use it to think constantly of new ideas for action -- to tirelessly work towards the change I want.

I have found that when I am frustrated with myself, when things aren't going that well with me, is when I allow my mind to "go there" and to massage, turn over and over, to dwell in the hopelessness of lack of control -- these powerful people, entities, governments, businesses, consumers, these stupid, evil -- you put the negative words to it, it's been thought a trillion trillion times, but how often are the thoughts put where they can do some good? Not a trillion trillion times.This putting of my mind in this place -- I take responsibility for it in recognizing that it is me I am angry with, that I project it out into the world and blame the world rather than take ownership of what I can within myself.

And it takes work to recognize these thoughts. And they are destructive to ourselves. And they are constantly reinforced all around us. See or read the news: What a terrible world we are in. In the advertisements we see every day: We cannot possibly be happy with whatever it is we have, no matter how much or little, it is and will never be enough.

It matters that I control my thoughts; that I control what goes into my head through my eyes and ears, and that I choose to surround myself with the positive rather than the negative, that the universe is a good rather than bad place. I choose to turn off the TV, put away the newspaper, turn away from people that only know how to complain, I am drawn to people of ideas, even those that differ from my own, I am not afraid of conflict, of honest discourse, I am not afraid to say I was wrong but now I know better. Pride makes us a slave, humility sets us free.

It doesn't matter that people will read this and laugh, think what a fool you are Scott, to think how you do, you just don't get it. You will get walked all over with this naive, wide-eyed optimism.

And you'd be right -- I have been walked all over in trust to those that don't deserve it. But I remember so clearly in my head; I don't remember when or where or who, but I do remember, a youngish person who had obviously just been yelled at by a boss, this person saying to me, "I can't wait until I'm the boss so I can be an asshole to everyone", and me thinking then -- and now, you so did not get the right message from that. And so I am tested -- do I become that which I detest, because then I'll get something more that way? The cynic pretends to be happy, content, their actions show differently. It will never be enough, you would never be treated well enough, respected enough, have enough.

It matters that I don't care what anyone thinks, and although I will be weak and give into anger and frustration, and lash out, I will always come back to this place -- in strength -- in my mind and in my heart, that the universe is goodness, that goodness is winning.

It matters that my intentions are to surround myself with like-minded people of hope and energy and that we will work together to do all we can do -- in our small way, we do big things. If it is only to change within ourselves, our family, our neighborhood, our town, our state, our nation our world. How do I really know that what I do won't change anything? That person I encourage today encourages someone else that encourages a group that gives hope to a nation and so on.

It matters that every moment of life matters, that life is too short. Use your time wisely, keep your mind on the positive. Do you own your thoughts or not? You do if you choose to.

It matters that we here on this farm in this moment are doing what we can -- in action, not words -- to make the world a better place, in whatever small way that is. We are being tested -- is this really what you want? Are you really willing to work that hard for this little? Don't you know how foolish you are to think you can do this? Don't you know how little people really care?

No I don't know any of that. It matters that we attract and surround ourselves with beautiful people that are making a positive difference in this world. And that our numbers grow with each minute in every day. That whatever happens is meant to be, that we are meant to learn the lessons of life in the way that we do; we can receive them willingly and early, or resist them and have them be loud and hard.

Scott

 

Postscript:

I choose to use my time in putting these words here. As a matter of fact, it is as much for me as anyone else. To put these words here is to take my mind there, and to write it down is to organize it in my mind. We struggle right now, I struggle trying to keep the "internal conversation" -- the thoughts going through my head -- to the constructive, to ideas that will help our farm, help my family, help the world, and not give into the destructive thoughts or the prevelant attitudes of the day, what about me, what about right now.

I've been blessed in so many many ways to have the defining experiences of my life that I have had; to be put in front of so many important and wonderful people, and have so many opportunities. I have, I will continue, to struggle as do each of us towards some ideal of happiness and contentment. And my next post I hope to spend the next couple days thinking about; in my travels, in my chores: while I milk the cows, while I fill the water, while I drive to here, that I'll fill that time with this vision of what will be. And I believe it will be: A paradise on earth, right here at this farm.


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